“Therefore, when we say we want to help the individual reorient to the truth about him-or herself, we are making a case for this freedom and ability to choose the truth that is most consistent with his or her value. In essence, it is the confrontation of the ‘life’ that was taught to an individual concerning the sense of self and safety in which he or she can make personal choices concerning who he or she is and how the person wants to behave in relationships.”
Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy | Terry D. Hargrave and Franz Pfitzer, pp. 123
I think one of the most difficult transitions to make with one’s anxiety is the move from the pain cycle to the peace cycle. From the reactive, well ingrained feelings that have been at the root of our anxiety for so many years — in my case, specifically not good enough — to anchoring ourselves in a new truth in regards to our anxiety (I looked at this process for myself in the last post). This freedom and ability to chose truth is a difficult, but it is a transforming experience.
How do we make this move and where does the truth about our anxiety come from?
Sources of Truth
There are a variety of sources where truth comes from as we think about constructing our Peace Cycle. In the Restoration Therapy model we focus on three sources:
self — “While we certainly acknowledge that this is a more difficult task, we have found that it is clinically effective to have the individual take a personal position that is intentionally one of reparenting.” (Restoration Therapy, pp. 124)
others — “If the individual is willing to take this step of having him-or herself accept new truths about identity and safety, then the words of others can become powerful in helping to address the same issues.” (Restoration Therapy, pp. 126)
spiritual sources — “If spirituality is an important resource to the client or patient, we believe that it simply must be part of reshaping this love and trustworthiness.” (Restoration Therapy, pp. 128)
Just like we did in helping develop your pain cycle, we are going to go about the same process with your peace cycle.
So let’s start with a question:
What truth would you like to speak into your anxiety?
Think about your most recent experience with anxiety — did you speak some truth into it? What was that?
What truths have you heard others communicate to you about your love and trust (identity and safety)?
If you are connected to spiritual sources, what that truths have you borrowed from there to help with your anxiety.?
And now I am going to list a bunch of truth words, and I want you to identify as many of them as you think help speak peace into your anxiety.
And then after identifying all those words, I want you to think about the top 3-4 that seem to be the most powerful for you in speaking that truth.
This list is not exhaustive, but it’s a good start (so feel free to add to it).
Truth: loved, priceless, treasured, appreciated, adequate, accepted, promising, significant, never alone, valued, can make choices, valuable, known, full of worth, celebrated, encouraged, connected, can control self, wanted
So let me ask another question:
When you speak truth into your anxiety, what new action would you like to take with it?
Think about your most recent experience with anxiety, and what new action you might have taken that was helpful.
Even if you are struggling with the truth at this moment, what action could you practice taking that might help reinforce that truth?
Do you have examples from your past where you did something different with your anxiety, rather than fall back into the pain cycle?
This list is also not exhaustive, but it’s a good start (so feel free to add to it).
Actions: accepting, vulnerable, respectful, giving, let go/relax, responsible, listening, merciful, reliable, inclusive, non defensive, hopeful, encouraging, peaceful, able to persist, gentle, merciful, honest, humble, positive, energetic, supportive, engaging, intimate, kind, seeking good, honest, empathetic, valuing self, self-controlled, nurturing, communicate care, open, welcoming, settled, trustworthy, listening, loving, stay connected, turn from addictive actions
It is helpful to always think of this as a work in progress, and something with more and more practice that we can become more proficient at.
Identifying your peace cycle will be the catalyst to change your anxiety, so I encourage you to start today and to notice the shift.